People like this crave material benefits, control, validation, or just narcissistic attention. These motives show up in destructive behaviors like manipulation, *gaslighting, excessive criticism, not taking responsibility for their negative and harmful actions, and emotional unavailability. It creates a cruel dynamic that is transactional or exploitative rather than loving and supportive. Those who abuse someone else's trust in any kind of relationship can fall under these categories, whether it be romantic or platonic.
(***Gaslighting) is a form of psychological manipulation in which someone subtly tries to make another person doubt their sanity, perception of reality, or memories. It’s a tactic often used in an abusive way to gain control and power over a situation. As a result, the party being gaslit may begin to question their own judgment, memory, and even their sanity. Thankfully, with today’s technology, it’s possible to keep a record of conversations—whether through text messages, emails, or other digital means. Having physical evidence of these exchanges can help protect the true version of events, preserve memory, and remove doubt about what was said or done. It also helps preserve the reputation of the party being gaslit, providing tangible proof if the gaslighter ever attempts to spread rumors or damage their reputation—be it through social media or within social circles. The problem lies with the gaslighter, not the person being gaslit. Never blame yourself for these kinds of actions. When they push you away, stay away, and never interact with them again. You cannot fix them; they have to fix themselves. From that point on, avoid them like your life depends on it, and never feed their ego. Know your worth :)
If someone reminds you that they were nice to you, especially in the context of criticizing you, that is not a sign of humility, that is a sign of narcissistic behavior. While appearing confident, narcissists often have fragile self-esteem. They may use reminders of past kindness to boost their own ego and feel superior by diminishing you. Narcissists tend to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and may deflect blame onto others. Reminding someone of a past kindness while criticizing them can serve to shift the focus away from their own negative behavior and onto the recipient's perceived shortcomings.
It’s sad that people can be like this. Honestly, it’s quite disturbing and literally toxic behavior because it shows a lack of empathy for how it affects another person's feelings and mental health.
Once trust is gone, it’s gone. Trust is the core foundation of all relationships, whether personal, professional, or even among casual acquaintances. When trust is broken, it’s impossible to fully restore. Even if forgiveness is offered, the memory of betrayal often lingers and doubts resurface. The relationship may continue, but it is forever changed, because the innocence and security that once existed are impossible to recapture. Trust is the foundation; once it crumbles, everything built upon it disappears like light at the flick of a switch.
A person with good, healthy self-esteem and genuine self-respect—qualities not to be mistaken for arrogance or an egotistical mindset—will not tolerate betrayal of trust. For them, the decision to distance themselves from someone who has broken their trust can happen at the flick of a switch. Such individuals understand their worth and know that trust is non-negotiable in any relationship. Rather than clinging to what has been damaged, they choose to protect their own well-being and seek connections where respect, integrity, and honesty are mutual.
That is why, when I choose to trust someone, I have a sound reason to do so. It is earned by the high standards I set for trust; my trust is never given on a whim. For me to tell someone I trust them, it is because I see "something" in their core being, essence, soul that has earned my trust. It is not based on anything else but that. I can usually spot someone’s true character from a mile away, and I trust my instincts when it comes to people. I’d say my assessments are correct about 99% of the time, but I do leave a 1% margin for error. I can say that the error is on my part because I have made a mistake in the recent past by ignoring the vibe I got from someone and letting their appearance of being nice cloud my judgment. But I have learned not to do that anymore, no matter how nice the person seems to be, because people do put on their best face when initially meeting someone. So, from now on I will stick to my instincts. Still, more often than not, I can see people for who they really are. When I do turn out to be wrong about someone, I find out eventually, because people, in time, will always show you who they really are after they get bored of displaying the facade. I still trust my instincts; I just have to be firm and not ignore them.
I have always been too softhearted, but I can’t change that about me because that is just who I am. I will just have to be much more careful about who I trust. Even the most in-tune instincts can make mistakes at times, no matter how diligently we assess someone’s character. With that, I am just grateful that the negative actions of others can never change who I am. I learned a long time ago never to let people or their negative actions change who I am at my core being. :)
It's best just to walk away permanently from negative people and let their negative intent, and those behaviors associated with them deal with them, or as the Japanese saying goes 悪因悪果 Akuin' akka (reap sow).
Forgiveness can be given if it is sought, but in no way does anyone have to entertain allowing that person back into their life. Trust is gone, and there is no viable relationship to nurture. You can forgive if they seek it, but you are not obligated to interact with them in any way. Forgiveness should not be an open invitation to allow their toxic behavior back into your life. A leopard never changes its spots; people are who they are, and people rarely change. What people witness is the person becoming who they are from birth, as they grow into adults and begin to self-mold who they will eventually become. People have the belief that someone is turning good or bad; no, the fact is that person is growing into who they are as they get settled into adulthood. Life experiences do not change character; all it does is clarify who the person really is and what is already there inside the person. No matter how people were raised, no matter what they have been through in life, and even if there is insight into their behavior, there are no excuses that can be used for the choices they make about who they become. That is all on them. A person's personality is very rarely ever changeable, so when people think someone is changing or has changed, that is not the case, it is just their core traits being exposed out in the open.
Trust is number one. Breaking trust is 🔥burning bridges with me; there is no way I would ever allow that person back in my life. The way I see things, if you really wanted trust, you would not do anything harmful to break something as fragile as trust.
Once someone becomes an adult, all decisions, whether good or bad, are their own. How they treat others is their choice alone; no one else can take the blame or be blamed for their personal choices. Give empathy to those who truly seek it, not to those who manipulate and gaslight to control you. I know this may sound harsh to some, but it is necessary in order to protect yourself from toxic people. Sometimes things must be said that are not always politically correct, because it’s the truth. How can someone love being poisoned? Interacting with a toxic person is just that: poisoning your soul, your very being. Second chances are for those who don’t go out of their way to harm people, not for those who have malicious intent to harm someone, someone they see as a game, like their cat to your mouse, or a mouse in a maze where they set the rules and traps. Forgive the forgivable, not the narcissist.
About Love...
Love should be unconditional. Unconditional love does not harm either party in a relationship because it is nurturing, caring, does not erode trust, and is uplifting, and safe.
Why I Prefer and Will Choose a Japanese Partner...
While I find beauty in people of various ethnicities, including my own, my personal preferences regarding relationships is something I have a firm stance on.
I believe a Japanese partner will be truly compatible with what I value in a relationship. I have a deep appreciation for Japanese culture and language, which fits well with my personality and values. I will embrace Japanese culture, language, and family traditions with genuine respect. I believe that we will have true... love, harmony, and happiness together because I will honor him, and I know he will honor me, because honor and integrity are ingrained in Japanese cultural values. He will have that sense of morals and commitment, I would not marry a man without these necessary character traits.
Japanese culture has a way about it that is gentle yet firm and precise; the culture teaches meticulous attention to detail, and to be respectful and polite. This is not a surface-level appreciation or generalization but an honest assessment of traits that I find compatible with the majority of my values and ways. The Japanese man who ends up being my partner will actively respect and embody his cultural values and will have these traits I am seeking. I’ll also be happy to learn about his hobbies and discover all the little quirks that make him who he is. ☺️
Trust is one of the main reasons I have remained a strict celibate since January 2014. I will continue to do so until the right guy comes into my life and proves he has good intentions for me and is trustworthy, so that together we can create a relationship that is a safe space for us both: caring, supportive, and built on integrity. I have never been married, and the right guy will be the one I trust enough to spend the rest of my life with, I believe a Japanese man will meet these values and intentions. ❤️😊
I will also have children with him in the not-so-distant future, who will be fully immersed in Japanese language, culture, and ways due to my loss of culture and language as a Native American Indian. My Native language has been classified as a dead language and declared extinct. I want my future children to have a strong culture and language to pass on to future generations, and the Japanese culture has remained intact even with the West and its attempted assimilation and suppression of culture and language, and the destruction of their lands by the u.s.
Reclaiming Japanese American Culture and Language after Decades of Erasure
I will never forget that day By Kiyomi Kohno
(Also, to learn even more about my thoughts on relationships scroll further down towards the bottom of this page).
Conclusion...
People often say “I love you” in relationships these days just because it's the popular thing to do. Love, in the context of saying it to a person, should never be used lightly. Unfortunately, in today's society, it's thrown around with no real meaning. It's just a word without substance, and many relationships today are transactional. Many include narcissistic supply rather than genuine connection, love, or honor. That is not love. That is just people choosing to use the word "love" superficially for some kind of self-gain, and it has no genuine emotional weight, it's no different than someone casually saying they love a car, a coat, or pizza. There is no real love without trust, respect, and honor.
Today’s culture, especially with the influence of social media, can sometimes encourage quick, surface-level connections. Someone saying “I love you” is often used casually, sometimes to fit in, other times to avoid awkwardness. Some people use it as a love bombing method and manipulate their partner with guilt by claiming neglect and lack of attention. Such individuals don’t believe in personal space and try to isolate their partner from family and friends. They also attempt to make themselves more important than their significant other’s schedule and commitments. Some act as extreme exhibitionists, trying to prove how much others on social media superficially love them. They also use the word “love” to accelerate physical intimacy. This behavior dilutes the true meaning of love and makes it harder for people to recognize an authentic connection when they come across one.
Jackson Wang realizes he needs to stop looking for love from others and must first learn how to love himself. That’s a lesson many should try to take advice from. Hopefully, Jackson Wang will learn to love himself enough so that he will not just be the giver in a relationship, but will also find someone who gives back to him. I hope he finds her. He seems to be a sweet person, and he is an Aries like me. Aries have that giving spirit, but we need to be careful not to let people take advantage of that :)
